A Necessary Lesson Learned

The phrase "Team Jones" has been used a lot over the past couple months; especially last weekend during Abby's surgery. I couldn't give an exact number, but I swear Team Jones is up to like 1,347 members. It's incredible, and you know what, EVERY one of those teammates is important. As they say, it takes an Army!

Like all teams; Team Jones has reserves, bench players, support staff, coaches, etc. There's also a starting lineup. This four person squad includes myself, Abby, and these two awesome ladies……..

Sister #1: Kristi

Duh….the one in the middle. Abby's mom didn't have kids at age 52.

The oldest of the three Williamson girls. A true Hippie (the first time we met involves a handshake through doorway hippie beads). A set of pearly whites that haven't taken a bad photo in their life. Mom, Aunt, Wife, Girl Scout Troop Leader……and one hell of a caregiver. 

For example, during the hospital stay, here's how a shower prep conversation would go with ME:

Abby - I think I need a shower.

Ross - Ok. How can I help? Should I come in to help or do you got it?

Abby - Uh, I just had an organ removed…..YESTERDAY

Ross - True. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. I'll get your clothes ready. 

Abby - Thanks.

Ross - Do you want a shirt?

Abby - Uh, ya think?

Ross - True. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. What about pants?

Abby - Just &%*# put the #%$@# clothes #@$%^ PLEASE.

Ross - True. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. 

You get the idea. Here's how the same shower prep conversation would go with Kristi:

Abby - I think I need a shower.

Kristi - Ok, I'll get the water going. Give me a minute to get your clothes ready and then I'll be in to    help. Oh, also...if you want, I'll brush your hair AND brush your teeth when you get done so you feel fresh. 

This is not an exaggeration. This is April 18th and 19th of 2014 for me. Kristi is the most active and energetic Mom I have ever met; and she carries that energy over to her role as big sister. 

Of course, this is not to say she's a Saint. She's got flaws too: She really should wear more sunscreen. AND, a decade later, I still torment her about the time she had a late night and was stuck in a really long bathroom line. Regardless, she made me an Uncle eight years ago, plus she would do anything for Abs.  Works for me!

Sister #2: Carrie

The middle Williamson sister. Appropriately named "Care Bear" by pretty much all of her friends and family. Carrie is the kind of person we all need in our life. I'd guess during the decade I've known Carrie; we've probably enjoyed about 97 beers together. I've paid for zero. I think George W. Bush was in office the last time she let me pay for a meal. 

I was HORRIFIED the first time I heard about Carrie picking up a hitchhiker on the side of the road. For Carrie, that's just a nice Tuesday morning. 

Carrie's role on Team Jones is a lot different than Kristi's. The fact is, when Carrie walks in the room, the mood in the room immediately lightens up. We laugh. We tell stories. She's just got this presence that puts all of us in a better mood. Kristi and I take care of the physical: Getting Abs to appointments. Paying the bills. Making sure she's comfortable. Carrie takes care of the mental. And she's damn good at it. 

I have to add another "Design" story to the mix with Carrie. Up until about 6 months ago, Carrie was living the good life on the beach down in South Florida. As fate would have it, her company had a temporary job opening as an "Acting" General Manager in Tampa. Carrie took a leap of faith, left her comfortable lifestyle down in South Florida, and moved to Tampa. She BELIEVED she could earn the right to drop the "Acting" from her job title. Sure enough….she did. And of course, now that we've chosen the Moffitt Cancer Center; Carrie is just an hour away as opposed to 5 hours. In addition, she picked a house 5 minutes from Moffitt…….Design.

So, where the heck am I going here? What is this so-called Lesson Learned in the title?

If you know me well enough, you know I have a serious flaw…..Con….Con-trol…..Control Free…Ok, here goes….. 

"Hi, my name is Ross….and, I'm a control freak"

There…..I said it! No doubt this is true. It absolutely crushed me the first time a couple of my friends called me Dad. BUT, these days I've learned to just own it and make fun of myself for it. 

(Coincidentally, that's also the same method I used to get over my "Hott Mom" complex. Big thanks to my Shrink on that one!)

I entered last weekend thinking I needed to be Abby's nurse and I needed to be Abby's nutritionist. And basically, I thought I needed to be all things to Abby. The fact is…..I pretty much spent three days repeating the following: "True. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot". 

It finally hit me and the lesson was learned near the end of the hospital stay. With this particular circumstance in Abby's life, I cannot be the leader and just let the sisters ride in the backseat. I have no clue what I'm doing. It is clear this is a calling for the sisters, and the fact is, I've never seen these three more united in over a decade.

So instead, I'm going to let my two incredible sisters-in-law ride shotgun on this one. That is truly the best way for me to be a great husband to Abs. Going forward, it's my turn to relinquish control, sit in the back, go with the flow, and provide support. I'll be the rock. They can count on me….forever. Lesson Learned.